81-Year-Old Grandmother Moved to Care Home Despite Savings, Daughter Receives Heartbreaking Voicemails

An 81-year-old Japanese woman, despite having a pension and substantial savings, was moved to a care facility by her daughter, who cited overwhelming caregiving pressures and her mother's escalating dementia symptoms. The daughter, identified as Yumiko Kato (57, pseudonym), made the difficult decision after her mother, Shizuko Kato (81, pseudonym), began exhibiting severe symptoms, including nighttime wandering and frequent verbal outbursts, which reduced Yumiko's sleep to less than three hours per night.

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Are you going to abandon me here? Leaving me alone in such a dark room, you are not human.

Yumiko, a contract employee earning approximately 220,000 yen (about $1,400 USD) monthly, had been living with and caring for her mother for five years. Shizuko receives a monthly pension of about 120,000 yen (about $760 USD) and has savings of around 6 million yen (about $38,000 USD). The chosen care facility costs approximately 210,000 yen (about $1,330 USD) per month, creating a monthly deficit of about 90,000 yen (about $570 USD) that would deplete Shizuko's savings in about five and a half years.

On the day of admission, Yumiko told her mother they were going out for a meal, only for Shizuko to realize she was being moved into a care facility upon arrival. Shizuko reacted with distress, crying out and pushing away staff. That evening, she left a voice message for Yumiko, expressing anger and feelings of abandonment: "Are you going to abandon me here? Leaving me alone in such a dark room, you are not human."

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If I had chosen to resign to take care of my mother, I would have lost my income. Even if the caregiving ends someday, I still need to live, so I can't easily give up my job.

This message induced intense guilt in Yumiko, yet she maintains that not quitting her job to provide full-time care was the right decision for her own long-term survival. The challenges continue, with Shizuko frequently calling the facility asking to be picked up or demanding her money back. Care facility consultants advise that such strong attachment is common initially and often subsides, recommending professional support and gradual establishment of appropriate parent-child distance. For Yumiko, the financial burden and the persistent guilt remain, acknowledging that the feeling of having abandoned her mother may never fully disappear.

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The feeling that I abandoned my mother cannot disappear completely.