Bernardo Stamateas, psychologist: “Do not get involved in situations where there is nothing to gain”

Bernardo Stamateas invites readers to examine the difficult people in their lives, whether they are partners, children, parents, friends, bosses or business associates. His advice focuses on getting along with them without losing one’s peace.

He describes the controller as someone who needs everything planned and under control, from schedules and clothing to food and daily surroundings. Such people struggle to delegate because they have little tolerance for uncertainty. Stamateas says people must also learn to live with what they cannot predict or control.

The chronic critic focuses on other people’s mistakes and finds fault with even the smallest detail. Stamateas links this behavior, in many cases, to fragile self-esteem or frustration with one’s own life. He also describes the victim, who blames partners, politicians or circumstances and avoids taking responsibility. Problems, he argues, require action.

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Do not get involved in situations where there is nothing to gain.

Other patterns include the explosive person, who reacts disproportionately to small frustrations, and the manipulator, who uses fear, guilt or flattery to make others feel responsible for their distress. The person afraid of abandonment may depend on another person for security and ask questions such as “Why didn’t you answer my WhatsApp?”

Stamateas’s first recommended technique is to understand before reacting. He says many difficult behaviors operate as defense mechanisms, but understanding them does not mean justifying or minimizing them.

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Strategic listening is also a tool for victory.