Can a threesome survive sex with three? Experts reveal when it brings people closer and when it destroys relationships

The decision to engage in a threesome can have profound and varied effects on a romantic relationship, according to relationship and sexual therapists. While some couples find such experiences can deepen their bond, for others, it can destabilize the relationship and create significant issues.

Peter Saddington, a counselor at Relate and a sexual therapist, explains that the impact is not uniform across all couples. He cautions against the misconception that a threesome can resolve pre-existing problems or reignite lost intimacy. "If your relationship is not stable, it is highly likely that such an experience will only further highlight existing difficulties," Saddington notes.

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If your relationship is not stable, it is highly likely that such an experience will only further highlight existing difficulties.

Before partners consider involving a third person, Saddington emphasizes the importance of candid conversations about their genuine reasons. If the desire stems from a shared interest in new experiences, it might enrich the relationship. However, the situation becomes far more complex if one partner seeks to compensate for dissatisfaction or harbors feelings beyond physical attraction for the third party.

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Be honest with yourself and with each other. Communication is important in every relationship, but when more than two people are involved, it becomes absolutely critical.

Open discussion about expectations, fears, and potential reactions is crucial. "Be honest with yourself and with each other. Communication is important in every relationship, but when more than two people are involved, it becomes absolutely critical," Saddington advises. He points out that jealousy can easily arise during a threesome, and individuals might discover that their fantasies differ significantly from the reality of seeing their partner with someone else.

Saddington suggests considering how one would feel both during and after the experience. For some, merely discussing or fantasizing about sex with another person is sufficient. If the desire persists, careful consideration must be given to the choice of the third person. While involving a friend might seem safer due to existing trust, it risks altering the friendship dynamics. Engaging a stranger could mitigate the risk of damaging existing relationships. Regardless of the choice, Saddington recommends meeting on neutral ground beforehand to ensure shared expectations and comfort levels among all participants. Clearly defining boundaries, discussing what is acceptable and what is not, and establishing a safe word or signal are essential steps before proceeding.

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Discussion and fantasizing about sex with another person are often completely different from what happens when the fantasy becomes reality.