Gabriel Rolón: “The fear of loneliness is intrinsic to being human”

Gabriel Rolón says many people remain in relationships they would not choose because they fear being alone. In an interview with LN+, the psychoanalyst compared relationships to a vehicle that needs a periodic inspection, calling the idea a “VTV of love.”

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The majority of people unfortunately have relationships they would not want, either because they have not finished accepting what they dislike about their partner and suffer, or because they have resigned themselves.

He said people may suffer because they have not accepted aspects of their partners, or because they have simply resigned themselves to the relationship. They continue moving through love without the necessary safeguards, he argued, even when the relationship has become damaged.

For Rolón, loneliness cannot be eliminated simply by finding a partner. “The fear of loneliness is intrinsic to being human, because even when you are embracing the person you love, after a while you will still feel that loneliness running through you,” he said. That fear, in his view, can push people to sustain harmful bonds rather than confront solitude.

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The fear of loneliness is intrinsic to being human, because even when you are embracing the person you love, after a while you will still feel that loneliness running through you.

He also focused on the discomfort created by desire. “Desire makes you uncomfortable because it points to absence. You desire what you do not have,” Rolón said. Desire acts like a spotlight, illuminating what is missing and prompting people to circle around it in search of substitutes.

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Desire makes you uncomfortable because it points to absence. You desire what you do not have.

Those substitutes can include a relationship, a book, success, a television program, a job or a child. Rolón described them as understandable attempts to fill a void that cannot ultimately be filled. “That is what being human is: living with the tragic feeling of life, knowing that I will die, that everyone I love will die, and that everything I love will at some point no longer be there,” he said.

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That is what being human is: living with the tragic feeling of life, knowing that I will die, that everyone I love will die, and that everything I love will at some point no longer be there.