Happiness

What do I want to be when I grow up? I ask myself this after reading Pere Estupinyà’s book “What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up?”, even though I am already close to the end of what gerontologists call the third age. My answer is simple: I want to be happy.

The book distinguishes between the third and fourth ages. The third, or “gerontolescence,” generally spans the years from 60 to 80 and includes people who retain autonomy, activity and social participation. The fourth begins around 85, when aging becomes more advanced and people are more likely to need care. Between them comes a period of increasing fragility. People may remain autonomous, but they recover less easily from major stress, such as a fall.

My own subjective sense of well-being has clearly risen compared with earlier periods. Studies confirm that emotional happiness can increase with age. Luis Rojas Marcos, a professor of psychiatry at New York University, put it this way: “The brain ages, but in favor of happiness.”

Laura Carstensen, the Stanford psychologist who has studied aging for more than 30 years, also says that positive emotional states last longer among older people. Her theory of emotional selectivity offers two explanations. When we perceive that less time remains, we choose our relationships and experiences more carefully. We stop wasting time on people and activities that do not matter to us.

Our goals also change. Objectives tied to a distant future lose importance, while those with emotional meaning in the here and now gain weight. One of my grandchildren, who is 25, once asked what I still had left to do in life. I told him that my happiness came from reaching 75 with my goals fulfilled. Everything else was a gift: studying, writing and reading.

I still make plans, but I have freed myself from obligations to the future. Above all, I have surrounded myself with people I love and with whom I feel reciprocity, especially my children and grandchildren. I would like to leave them a legacy of values. For me, that is happiness.

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The brain ages, but in favor of happiness.