How attachment theory can help Israeli parents understand children's behavior

For over two decades, Dr. Mike Gropper has advised English-speaking parents living in Israel, many of whom are immigrants, on navigating the complexities of raising children in a country that can feel unpredictable. These parents often grapple with frequent transitions, work demands, parenting struggles, security concerns, cultural adjustments, and marital stress, all of which can impact their children's behavior.

Central to Gropper's diagnostic approach is John Bowlby's attachment theory. This theory posits that children flourish when they perceive their caregivers as secure bases, individuals who are emotionally accessible, consistent, and responsive. A securely attached child feels comfortable seeking closeness during distress and confident exploring their surroundings when feeling safe. Conversely, insecurely attached children may exhibit anxious clinging, withdrawal, or avoidance of intimacy, sometimes oscillating between these patterns.

Parent-child attachment dynamics can shift not due to a lack of care, but because parental stress can hinder their ability to remain attuned to a child's needs. While play therapy, including games, toys, and art, is a recognized treatment for children, Gropper prefers to empower parents directly. He advocates for approaches like filial play therapy, developed by Bernard and Louise Guerney, which trains parents to become therapeutic agents for their children.

This empowering parental approach aims to equip parents with the understanding and techniques to interpret the emotional meaning behind their child's behavior and facilitate positive change. Gropper illustrates this with the case of Sam, a seven-year-old immigrant whose aggression at school was reframed by his parents, with Gropper's guidance, as issues of "dislocation" rather than simple anger problems following his family's move to Israel.