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🇳🇱 Netherlands /Culture & Society

How Can We Encourage Our Son to Aim Higher Than a Passing Grade?

From NRC Handelsblad · () Dutch

Translated from Dutch and summarized by DistantNews. Read the original for the full story.

At a glance

News Named sources Context piece
  • The parents of a 16-year-old say their independent son deliberately does only enough schoolwork to earn acceptable grades, despite indications that he could achieve more.
  • Experts Michelle Achterberg and Robbert Dijkgraaf advise the parents to focus on autonomy, interests and future goals rather than pushing for higher marks.
  • They argue that deliberate choices about school, sports, friends and hobbies do not necessarily show a lack of ambition.

A 16-year-old boy manages his schoolwork independently, asks his parents for help when needed and earns mostly solid grades. Yet his parents worry because he appears satisfied with doing only what is necessary. His report included an eight, five sevens and four sixes, along with a mentor's comment that he could achieve more.

The father says the family wants to encourage their son to develop his abilities, while recognizing that the education is his, not theirs. The boy, in his parents' view, has also learned how to work the grading system. They fear he may later accuse them of failing to teach him ambition.

This is his education, not ours.

· The boy's fatherHe explains the tension between encouraging ambition and respecting his son's ownership of his education.

Michelle Achterberg advises the parents to ask not how they can move him from a six to a seven, but what they want him to learn at this stage of life. His ability to organize his studies and seek help independently already represents important development, she says. Time spent with friends, on sports, hobbies and relaxation should not automatically be treated as time left over after the serious work.

I would not ask: how do we get him from a six to a seven, but: what do we want him to learn at this stage of life?

· Michelle AchterbergShe redirects the parents' focus from grades to broader development.

Achterberg suggests asking him how he views his mentor's assessment and what he wants to do with the time he chooses not to spend studying. Parents could also ask whether future plans might make grades important. If he knowingly chooses football and friends over extra mathematics practice, while still qualifying for the program he wants, that may reflect a conscious trade-off rather than a lack of ambition.

Robbert Dijkgraaf says the boy's ability to understand the system is impressive, but argues that discovering what sparks his imagination and curiosity matters more. In his experience, ambitious people are driven by curiosity and a concrete goal. The ability to explore something voluntarily can later make a difference in choices about study and work.

It does not sound like a lack of ambition, but like a conscious trade-off.

· Michelle AchterbergShe describes the possible meaning of choosing friends and football over additional study.
About this summary

Originally published by NRC Handelsblad in Dutch. Translated, summarized, and contextualized automatically by DistantNews, with a note on how the source frames the story. Not individually reviewed before publishing. How this works.

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