“How much should we put in the envelope?” Kazakh guests debate wedding invitation

A wedding invitation circulating on social media in Kazakhstan has sparked debate by combining two requests: guests should come without children, and monetary gifts should start at 15,000 tenge per person.

The organizers said the child-free format would allow everyone to relax freely and asked guests for their understanding. They added that anyone wishing to offer a cash gift would be welcomed to give at least 15,000 tenge for each person.

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The part about children is generally understandable, but as for the gift size, it’s distasteful to specify an amount like that: people have different financial situations. The point of a 'toi' isn't to break even. If you don't have the finances, it’s better not to host it or to invite fewer people.

The gift request drew the strongest criticism. One commenter said the child-free condition was understandable, but called it distasteful to set an amount because guests have different financial circumstances. Another described the demand for money as “barbaric.”

Other users supported the newlyweds. They argued that some guests arrive in large groups, give relatively little and still expect a full banquet. One commenter complained about people who give 10,000 tenge while bringing almost everyone with them and eating enough for “a whole foal.” Another said guests should at least consider the cost of their own place at the banquet.

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No, this is right! Apparently, they’ve been pushed to the limit by people who give 10,000 but bring everyone except the cats and dogs, and then eat enough for a whole foal!

Aizada Abdilda, an Almaty wedding planner who works with premium venues, said such banquets can average 70,000 tenge per person. Standard wedding menus can start at about 20,000 tenge per person and reach 25,000 to 30,000 tenge in smaller towns, excluding expenses such as the host and venue.

Abdilda said wealthy couples generally do not expect gifts to cover the full cost of a wedding. “Generally speaking, a wedding almost never pays for itself,” she said.

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In my experience, wealthy people don't go into a wedding expecting to cover the budget with cash gifts from guests. Everyone has different budgets and financial capabilities. Yes, people usually give quite large sums at such weddings, but you still shouldn't count on them fully covering the celebration's expenses. Generally speaking, a wedding almost never pays for itself.