How You Initiate Sex Could Be Hurting Your Intimacy, Therapist Warns

The manner in which a partner signals a desire for sex can be a critical factor in the quality of intimacy within a relationship, according to licensed sexual therapist Vanessa Marin.

Marin identifies the initiation of sex as an "invisible problem" that often goes unaddressed, leading couples to gradually stop reaching out to each other. She estimates that 83% of couples face difficulties with initiating sex, resulting not only in less frequent intimacy but also in growing emotional distance.

This challenge often stems from insecurity and the fear of rejection. Partners may resort to indirect methods like jokes or awkward approaches, which can make sex feel like an obligation rather than an expression of desire and closeness. Marin notes that this pattern can mirror how couples handle other relationship issues, such as discussing problems or expressing needs.

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Initiating sex is an invisible problem. Couples don't fight about it, they just slowly stop reaching out to each other.

Marin emphasizes that real-life relationships require open communication and mutual understanding, unlike the often-unrealistic portrayals in films and television. She advises partners to clearly state their desires and be prepared to accept a "no" without anger. "The partner who knows how to make you feel desired is much more attractive than someone who is just trying their luck," she stated.

Beyond the bedroom, Marin suggests that intimacy is built through small gestures throughout the day. Messages, unexpected kisses, or small acts of kindness without expectation can foster a sense of connection and facilitate later intimacy more effectively than a sudden attempt to initiate sex.

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The partner who knows how to make you feel desired is much more attractive than someone who is just trying their luck.