“I Get More Matches If I Don’t Say I’m a Father”: Single Parents Face a Dating Dilemma After Divorce

A 32-year-old father says he gave up dating apps after discovering that he received more matches when he did not identify himself as a parent. When he later disclosed that he had a child, he was accused of not being honest from the start.

“I noticed that if I don’t say I’m a dad, I get matches. But afterward I get reproached for not being direct from the beginning. So... I gave up,” the man wrote on Reddit. His experience divided commenters. Some urged him to say immediately that he had a child, while others argued that he did not have to reveal every detail of his private life to a stranger at once.

One commenter said, “It’s best to be honest. No one will appreciate you leaving out something that could be a deal breaker.” Others made a similar argument, saying parenthood could be important information for anyone considering a relationship.

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I noticed that if I don’t say I’m a dad, I get matches. But afterward I get reproached for not being direct from the beginning. So... I gave up.

Laura Găvan, a cognitive-behavioral psychotherapist, said dating after divorce can feel more difficult when a child is also involved. She said it is natural to feel fear and insecurity, or to wonder whether anyone will choose you. Having a child does not make someone less attractive or less suitable for a relationship, she said, but it changes the reality in which that relationship would develop.

Găvan also said online dating encourages people to present themselves in the best possible light, creating a temptation to delay information that might reduce interest. She distinguished between protecting personal privacy and concealing a fact that could influence another person’s decision to continue a relationship. The article’s supplied text ends during her explanation of that distinction.

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It’s best to be honest. No one will appreciate you leaving out something that could be a deal breaker.