I Was Addicted to Optimising My Life, but It Did Not Make Me Happier

For much of his twenties, Jack Waters repeated the same promise to himself: he would finally be happy when the next improvement was complete. He turned 30 last month and found that the future he had been preparing for had arrived, but happiness had not automatically followed.

Waters became absorbed in self-improvement. He watched YouTube videos, listened to podcasts and skimmed popular books such as How to Win Friends and Influence People. He believed that his lack of fulfillment could be fixed by becoming better and optimizing every part of his life.

He stopped spending money on things he enjoyed and saved or invested almost every dollar he earned. He tried to build muscle by force-feeding himself, hoping that gaining weight would change how he felt about his appearance. A habit tracker recorded more than 20 routines over time, from meditation and journaling to cold showers and repeated attempts to learn French.

The tracker came to represent his mindset. He rushed through books, counted down during meditation and wrote empty journal entries so he could mark the habits complete. The visible record made him feel he was progressing, even when the activities themselves had become exercises in checking boxes.

Some of the effort did produce results. Saving and buying almost nothing gave him financial security and the freedom to reject opportunities he did not want. Going to the gym improved his health and confidence, although he also began to hate food. Sticking to the routines built discipline. But alongside those gains, he developed what he calls an unhealthy mindset, centered on the next thing rather than enjoyment of the life he had already built.

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I'll finally be happy when ...