My dad couldn’t express his love for me. I chose to be a different man

The author argues that traditional notions of masculinity are detrimental to boys and men, forcing them into a narrow definition that discourages emotional expression and promotes harmful stereotypes. He contends that this pressure to conform to clichés like "boys don't cry" and "men are stoic" contributes to a crisis in masculinity, evidenced by higher suicide rates among men and their reluctance to seek mental health support.

Drawing from personal experience, the author recounts his own struggles with "cos-playing masculinity" during his youth. He describes the shame he felt about his early behavior and the elaborate facade he maintained to conceal his true identity. This included choosing a Liverpool Football Club duvet cover, not out of genuine interest in football, but because it was a favorite of Spice Girl Melanie C, whom he secretly admired. He also recalls the unease he felt receiving a Pamela Anderson clock, a symbol of conventional attractiveness that he felt pressured to accept.

These experiences culminated in a profound realization on the day his father died. The author discovered the words "Express yourself, don't repress yourself," scrawled in permanent marker behind the Pamela Anderson clock, lyrics from Madonna's song "Human Nature." He reflects that these words, which he had written years earlier, not only saved his own life by giving him the courage to eventually express his true self but could have also offered solace to his father.

The article highlights a growing movement among Australian men who are challenging these outdated norms. Organizations like The Man Cave, led by CEO Ben Vasiliou, are actively working to educate the next generation of boys on what it means to be a "good man." These efforts aim to break down gender conventions, encourage men to become primary caregivers, and provide healthier role models than those found in the "manosphere." The author advocates for "expansive masculinity," urging men to embrace vulnerability and authenticity as a path toward well-being and genuine connection.

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Express yourself, don't repress yourself.