My partner wants to buy a house, but I’m afraid of living his dream instead of mine

He loves his partner and believes they are soulmates, but the prospect of buying a home has exposed a deeper fear: that he could end up living someone else’s dream.

The man, who is in his late 20s and in a long-term relationship, says his boyfriend is a few years older and further ahead in his career and finances. His partner wants to buy a house within the next two years. He is saving money too, with the general intention of buying a home together eventually, but home ownership is not where his own interests lie right now.

He has long felt uncertain about his career and regrets not living abroad, as many of his friends have. He may want to spend several months travelling within the next year or so. He says he fears that every commitment closes off another possible life, leaving him stuck in a state of indecision. Buying a home soon, he worries, would mean putting down roots before he has properly experienced other possibilities.

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You need to start saying yes to things.

The advice is not simply to accept his partner’s timetable. Instead, he is told to start saying yes to things, including choices that do not offer complete certainty. Waiting until circumstances are perfect and every doubt has disappeared, the response says, means waiting for a day that will never arrive.

Choices, the columnist argues, provide information. New experiences bring challenges, skills and emotional growth, while helping people discover what they enjoy and value. The writer is encouraged to choose a path, learn that he can cope, and use those experiences to identify his own dreams.

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I’ll wait until circumstances are perfect, all doubts are erased and all other options eclipsed.