Partner content with a sexless relationship: Relationship expert offers advice

Christophe, 44, has been in a fulfilling eight-year relationship with his male partner, but a significant disconnect exists in their physical intimacy. While they share daily life, activities, and affection, their sex life has been dormant for years. Christophe yearns for sexual connection within their relationship, but his partner seems content with their current sexless dynamic.

“

We eat, watch TV, sleep, and cuddle together. Our schedules are aligned, and we do most things as a couple. I have no complaints about that. But in bed, it's a different story: nothing has happened for years.

To navigate this, Christophe has exercised the flexibility in their relationship regarding external sexual partners, but this has not fulfilled his core desire. He emphasizes that his primary wish is to experience sexual intimacy with his partner. He has attempted various approaches to rekindle their physical relationship without success, leaving him feeling a profound lack of sexual closeness.

“

I don't want to end the relationship, but I also don't want to constantly have to 'go with someone else.' My friend seems resigned to the sexless situation. I've tried everything and suggested things, without result. I miss physical, sexual intimacy enormously. What can I do?

Relationship expert Rika Ponnet explains that Christophe's situation highlights a common issue: external solutions cannot mend a deficit in the primary relationship. Ponnet states that neither emotional nor sexual intimacy can be adequately replaced by outside connections. Christophe's use of external sexual encounters has not resolved the underlying issue, as he continues to long for intimacy with his partner.

“

Whether it's emotional or sexual intimacy, you cannot fill it externally. An open relationship does not work as a solution for a deficit in your basic relationship.

Ponnet suggests that Christophe's partner may be withdrawing from sexual intimacy due to feeling pressured. When one partner exerts significant pressure for sexual connection, the other may retreat. This can create a sense of obligation rather than desire, making the partner feel unsafe and overwhelmed. The expert believes Christophe's partner is using a defensive wall to protect himself from this perceived pressure, leading to a complete cessation of sexual activity despite the couple's otherwise strong bond.

“

The friend is likely staying away from the sexual domain because he feels pressured. This is how it always works in relationship dynamics: if I really want something from you and put a lot of pressure on it, the other person often withdraws.