Play explores alternative parenthood through humor and personal stories

In the Dutch theater festival De Parade, a new production titled 'Onderhandelbaby's' (Negotiation Babies) humorously delves into the complexities of modern parenthood. Three actors explore the bureaucratic maze and emotional landscape for those whose desire to have children doesn't fit traditional molds.

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I am single, and I would like to become a father. Preferably not too old. I am forty-one now and I don't feel like frantically looking for a relationship just because of that desire to have children. So I am considering co-parenting.

The play's inspiration stems from conversations actor and cabaret artist Pepijn Schoneveld had with colleagues and at events like 'Meer dan gewenst' (More Than Desired), a foundation supporting individuals with a desire to become parents. Schoneveld, a single man in his early forties, is considering co-parenting as a way to become a father without the pressure of finding a partner solely for that purpose.

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I myself never had a desire for children. But when two mothers asked me if I wanted to be a sperm donor for their child, I didn't have to think about it for long. I thought: I will regret it if I say no. Not if I say yes.

Actor Eelco Smits brings his own unique experience to the production. He is the biological father to an 11-year-old son, raised by two mothers. Smits, who never initially had a desire for children, agreed to be a sperm donor, a decision he has not regretted. He emphasizes that while he has no legal rights or obligations in his son's upbringing and sees him only occasionally, the emotional bond is profound. "I see him only about once or twice a month, but for him, I am simply 'papa'. Suddenly, you have someone in your life who looks up to you with expectation. I hadn't foreseen how beautiful and life-changing that is," he reflects.

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That means I have no rights or obligations when it comes to his upbringing. I owe him or his mothers nothing.

Schoneveld and Smits conceived the play during a party in late 2025, envisioning a lighthearted piece for the festival. Their initial idea involved speed-dating scenarios, reflecting the real-life speed-dating events for prospective parents. They found the concept of deciding on a co-parent in just eight minutes both absurd and rich with comedic potential. The play also touches on other facets of alternative parenthood, such as co-parenting contracts with unusual clauses and the challenge of explaining unconventional family plans to older relatives.

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I see him only about once or twice a month, but for him, I am simply 'papa'. Suddenly, you have someone in your life who looks up to you with expectation. I hadn't foreseen how beautiful and life-changing that is.