Psychologist Gabriel Rolón: Fear of Loneliness Drives Many into Unwanted Relationships

Psychologist Gabriel Rolón observes that a majority of individuals find themselves in relationships they would prefer not to be in, often stemming from an inability to accept aspects of their partner or a sense of resignation.

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Most people unfortunately have partners they would not want to have, either because they haven't fully accepted what they don't like about their partner and suffer, or because they have resigned themselves.

In an interview with LN+, Rolón introduced the concept of the "MOT test for love," a metaphor for the necessity of periodically assessing the health of romantic relationships. He elaborated that the fear of solitude is a significant driver, compelling many to maintain damaging connections. This fear, he suggests, makes people forget that solitude is an intrinsic condition of human existence.

"We get used to it and end up in love, traveling without a spare tire, without a fire extinguisher, with the vehicle of love a bit broken down," Rolón stated, explaining that many persist in relationships due to fear. He further noted that while companionship can offer temporary comfort, the underlying feeling of solitude often remains.

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We get used to it and end up in love, traveling without a spare tire, without a fire extinguisher, with the vehicle of love a bit broken down.

Rolón also delved into the complexities of human behavior, highlighting how discomfort is an unavoidable consequence of exploring one's inner self. "Desire makes you uncomfortable because it points out the lack. You desire what you don't have," he explained. The emergence of desire itself is inherently uncomfortable, prompting a search for external comforts or connections, whether it be a partner, a book, or success, as attempts to fill an "impossible-to-fill void."

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The fear of loneliness is intrinsic to human beings.

Ultimately, Rolón posits that living with this sense of lack and the "tragic sense of life", the awareness of mortality for oneself and loved ones, is fundamental to the human condition. Accepting these inherent uncertainties and limitations is part of embracing what it means to be human.

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Desire makes you uncomfortable because it points out the lack. You desire what you don't have.