Psychology: Couples needing conflict aren't 'drama addicts,' but learned behavior

Intense arguments followed by days of silence, and then a reconciliation filled with promises and affection – this cycle may be a learned behavior rather than a sign of "drama addiction," according to psychologist Virginia Bejarano. She explains that for some couples, this pattern becomes their habitual way of relating, often stemming from a dynamic that served a purpose earlier in their history.

Bejarano notes that popular culture has long fostered an association between fights and passion, citing sayings like "those who fight, desire each other." This cultural narrative suggests that significant arguments can signify an equally intense love. After conflicts, couples might experience heightened attention, affection, or declarations of love, creating an emotional relief that reinforces the reconciliation and perpetuates the cycle.

This creates a "vicious circle," as Bejarano describes it, where relationships alternate between arguments, blocking on social media, and "epic reconciliations." However, she emphasizes a crucial distinction: having disagreements does not inherently make a relationship unhealthy. Couples naturally argue about finances, daily life, or family matters.

The warning sign appears when conflict becomes the primary mode of interaction. This can manifest as frequent arguments over trivial reasons or one partner deliberately provoking jealousy or tension to elicit a reaction. Bejarano states, "The problem arises when arguing becomes the day-to-day," highlighting instances like prolonged silence to test a partner's reaction or intentionally causing jealousy for attention.