Psychology says people who insist they do not care what others think may care as much as anyone

“I don’t care what others think” sounds like a declaration of independence. It suggests that personal decisions do not depend on approval from friends, family, colleagues or strangers. Social psychology, however, treats the statement as more complicated than it first appears.

Paying attention to how others perceive us is common. That does not mean everyone constantly seeks approval, or that anyone who claims indifference must be lying. Even presenting oneself as independent of other people’s opinions can help build a particular image.

Psychologists Mark Leary and Robin Kowalski examined this process in an influential 1990 review published in Psychological Bulletin. They called it impression management, the process through which people try to control the impressions others form of them. The researchers divided it into two parts: impression motivation, or how much a person wants to influence how they are seen, and impression construction, meaning the specific image they try to project.

People do not all want to project the same qualities. Someone may want to appear competent in a job interview, funny at a social gathering, or secure, independent and authentic. Saying that another person’s opinion does not matter can therefore serve different purposes. It may honestly describe little concern about a particular criticism. It may also reinforce an identity built around autonomy and confidence. The theory cannot determine which explanation applies simply by hearing the phrase.

Research by Roy Baumeister, published in 1982 in the Journal of Personality, examined how an established reputation could shape behavior. Participants received reputations based on supposed personality-test results, and other people they interacted with could know those reputations. Under certain conditions, the public image influenced how participants later presented themselves, especially when they expected to meet the same people again. A reputation was therefore not only something held by others. It could also become a guide for subsequent behavior.