Refusing a boss's order made my heart pound

Refusing a superior's directive can trigger a complex emotional response, often leading to internal conflict and self-doubt. The article examines the case of 'Jeonghye,' who experienced anxiety after declining her manager's request, fearing retaliation and a negative evaluation. Despite the manager's initial coldness, there were no overt signs of reprisal, yet Jeonghye's anxiety persisted, fueled by the fear of being perceived as prioritizing personal matters over work.

This internal struggle is amplified by the tension between Jeonghye's self-perception as a diligent and kind individual and the emergence of resentment towards her manager. The article suggests that suppressing these negative emotions can paradoxically intensify them, leading to a focus on the manager's perceived flaws to justify her own feelings. This creates a pendulum-like oscillation between self-blame and blaming the manager, a cycle that is difficult to break.

The piece argues that this emotional seesaw is not about determining who is right or wrong, but about the discomfort of holding conflicting feelings. Blaming the manager for her actions leads to fear of future coercion and a shattered self-image as a 'good person.' Conversely, accepting blame brings guilt and anger at the unaccommodating reality.

To break free from this cycle, the article proposes that individuals must learn to advocate for their position without demonizing the other party. Accepting that one can dislike someone, and that the other person can dislike them in return, is key. This mutual acceptance of potential negative feelings can gradually reduce the need to constantly judge who is right or wrong, fostering a more balanced emotional state.