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Silence: The Most Painful Punishment in Relationships
🇪🇪 Estonia /Culture & Society

Silence: The Most Painful Punishment in Relationships

From Postimees · () Estonian

Translated from Estonian, summarized and contextualized by DistantNews.

At a glance

In-depth Sources not specified Context piece
  • Silence and partner neglect, termed 'stonewalling' by relationship experts, can be a painful and isolating form of hidden abuse.
  • In her novel 'Ma valin armastuse,' Tuuliki Kasonen explores how silence can become a weapon in relationships, leaving one partner feeling punished and unable to communicate.
  • The book follows Freia, an Estonian woman who confronts years of fear and lies, ultimately choosing to break the silence and live authentically.

Silence can be a devastating weapon in relationships, leaving one partner feeling punished, humiliated, and trapped. Relationship specialists refer to this behavior and partner neglect as 'stonewalling,' creating a 'wall of stone' that prevents communication and connection.

Silence is painful, a way out of the situation where there is no possibility to talk things through and restore connection.

Describing the impact of stonewalling in relationships.

In her novel "Ma valin armastuse" (I Choose Love), Estonian author Tuuliki Kasonen delves into the destructive power of silence. The narrative centers on Freia, a woman who finds herself in a marriage built on fear and falsehoods. Her husband’s withdrawal, marked by his move to the living room and complete lack of interaction, exemplifies the silent treatment that has become a weapon.

Kasonen contrasts Freia's current reality with the man she fell in love with, a quiet, steady presence who offered a sense of security amidst chaos. This initial quiet strength has morphed into a tool of emotional abuse. The novel portrays Freia's struggle to break free from this pattern, highlighting the courage required to choose love and authentic living over enduring a life defined by silence and fear.

If silence becomes a way to punish another person, it is already a form of hidden violence.

Defining the abusive nature of prolonged silence.

"Ma valin armastuse" is presented as a story of awakening and conscious choice. It suggests that true change comes not from abstract thoughts but from decisive actions. Freia's journey is one of resisting, acting bravely, and ultimately discovering that survival is not enough; she must truly live.

I have a feeling that we have drifted apart lately. Would you be willing to talk about what's going on?

— Freia (character)Freia attempts to initiate a conversation with her distant husband.
DistantNews Editorial

Originally published by Postimees in Estonian. Translated, summarized, and contextualized by our editorial team with added local perspective. Read our editorial standards.

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