Ståhlis: The old fridge resists and argues about ageism

The author recounts the final days of an old refrigerator, which begins to emit a gurgling sound, interpreted not as the usual weariness of age, but as a distinct protest. This "old fridge" seems to object to its impending "well-deserved and eternal rest" after years of service, framing its situation as a clear case of ageism.

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I am not happy with your decision to let me go into "well-deserved and eternal rest" after many years in your service. This is a clear case of ageism.

When the author tactfully explains that the compressor is slowing and the refrigerant is becoming sluggish, the refrigerator responds with a rattle. The author points out its lack of climate-friendliness compared to newer models, a blunt assertion the appliance seemingly accepts with another rattle. The arrival of a new refrigerator is complicated by the old one's surprising girth; its "waistline" has expanded beyond the doorway it once entered, creating a logistical mystery.

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Your pump, that is your compressor, has started to slow down. Furthermore, the refrigerant flowing in your loops – your veins – has become sluggish.

Stuck with the resistant appliance, the author turns to AI for solutions. After several unhelpful suggestions, an AI, upon seeing a picture of the old fridge, offers a specific instruction. Following this advice, the handles are removed, and the author jokingly suggests it's an "Ozempic cure" for the refrigerator.

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You are not as climate-smart as the new refrigerators. You have to admit that.

Two young men arrive to take the old refrigerator to its final resting place. The new appliance is already running, described as quiet and unlikely to "gurgle in distress." The author wonders if its silence is due to shyness, a thought that elicits a familiar look of disbelief from their dog, Douglas.

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Here, advice is expensive.