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Staying home for your child during exams? 'Be present, not controlling.'

From VRT NWS · () Dutch

Translated from Dutch, summarized and contextualized by DistantNews.

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  • Parents taking time off during exam periods can be a great support for their children, but should avoid excessive control or pressure.
  • Experts advise parents to be present and supportive, offering help when asked rather than constantly checking on study progress.
  • Providing a calm environment and occasional gestures like bringing a snack can also positively influence students, especially those who struggle with structure.

Many parents opt to take leave during their children's exam periods, aiming to provide support during this stressful time. While this presence can be beneficial, experts caution that it should not devolve into overbearing control or added pressure, emphasizing the need for a calm and supportive atmosphere.

As a parent, you always do what you think is best for your child. They hope that their presence can help in a difficult period.

— Marijke BisschopThe child behavior therapist explained the motivation behind parents taking leave during exams.

Pedagogue and child behavior therapist Marijke Bisschop suggests that a parent's simple presence at home can be a significant comfort. "It can be very pleasant that a parent is simply at home," she explained. "That someone is home, receives you, asks how things are going. It can be a very pleasant presence. 'I am here for you,' that feels good."

It can be very pleasant that a parent is simply at home. That someone is home, receives you, asks how things are going. It can be a very pleasant presence. 'I am here for you,' that feels good.

— Marijke BisschopShe described the positive impact of a parent's simple presence at home.

However, this support is only effective if it remains non-controlling. Bisschop warns against parents who repeatedly ask if their child is studying enough, as this can induce anxiety. Instead, she recommends a more child-led approach. "Rather ask: 'Would you like me to quiz you tonight?', or: 'If you have a question, you know where I am.' The child must indicate it, not the parent," Bisschop advised.

If you say 3 times a day: 'Have you studied enough?', your child will become anxious. He feels your fear and your breath on his neck.

— Marijke BisschopBisschop warned against the negative effects of constant parental questioning about studying.

Parents can also offer indirect support, such as working on their own tasks while the child studies, which can create a mutually productive environment. For some students, particularly those who struggle with organization and focus, a supportive parent can provide essential structure that they may not be able to establish independently. Bisschop also noted that parents unable to take leave or provide this level of direct support are not lesser parents, as support can also be shown through evening check-ins and offering help.

Rather ask: 'Would you like me to quiz you tonight?', or: 'If you have a question, you know where I am.' The child must indicate it, not the parent.

— Marijke BisschopShe advised a more child-led approach to offering help and support.
DistantNews Editorial

Originally published by VRT NWS in Dutch. Translated, summarized, and contextualized by our editorial team with added local perspective. Read our editorial standards.

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