Teenagers on Love: 'We Break Up When We Enter High School'

What is love? For many teenagers, the answer is complicated, often involving the bittersweet reality of relationships that end as abruptly as they begin. One young interviewee candidly shared, "When seniors and juniors date, it's pretty much over once the older one enters high school. Most break up saying, 'I'm going to focus on my studies.'" Another common scenario involves a third-year middle school student dating a first-year, only for the relationship to become imbalanced when the older partner enters high school while the younger remains in middle school, leading to feelings of disparity.

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When seniors and juniors date, it's pretty much over once the older one enters high school. Most break up saying, 'I'm going to focus on my studies.'

Anthropologist Hwang Eui-jin, author of "What Do You Think Love Is?", offers a nuanced perspective on these adolescent heartbreaks. She suggests that the desire for a "more mature person" can sometimes seem selfish, but it also stems from the understanding that individuals are constantly changing and growing. This dynamic, she argues, is quite ordinary and cannot be simply labeled as bad. The process of feeling excited about someone, liking them, getting hurt, and then finding the courage to love again is fundamental to human maturation, especially during the formative teenage years.

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The desire for a 'more mature person' can sometimes seem selfish, but it also stems from the understanding that individuals are constantly changing and growing.

Despite the importance of these experiences, society often views teenagers solely as students. While books on study methods abound, resources guiding teens on navigating love and relationships are scarce. Hwang's book aims to fill this gap by vividly documenting the love lives and relationships of today's youth through extensive interviews. She posits that "the way to not be lonely is to connect with others who have similar memories," helping readers realize that their anxieties and unique feelings are often more common and natural than they might believe.

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The way to not be lonely is to connect with others who have similar memories.

The book also keenly observes the role of social media, an essential tool for modern teenage interactions. It dissects how gender dynamics create hierarchies and objectification within these online spaces, prompting readers to reflect on whether they might be perpetuating or experiencing such issues. One poignant confession from the book reads, "I feel like I'm not seen as an equal person to my friends or partner, but rather as a trophy to make them feel good." The book offers comfort to those hurt by objectification in relationships, validating their experiences and encouraging self-acceptance.

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I feel like I'm not seen as an equal person to my friends or partner, but rather as a trophy to make them feel good.