The art of saying no: Setting boundaries as self-care

The ability to say no is framed as a crucial act of self-care, pushing back against the pervasive tendency to overcommit in both personal and professional life.

Psychological factors, such as the need for approval and the fear of rejection, often drive individuals to accept requests that generate internal resistance. Clinical psychologist Naoki Yoshinaga from the University of Tokyo notes that this pattern directly impacts how people regulate their relationships.

Neuroscience research suggests that the brain processes social rejection similarly to physical pain, explaining the discomfort associated with saying no. Stephen Porges, a neuroscientist at Indiana University, highlights this biological reaction as a reason for the difficulty in setting boundaries. Cultural conditioning, which often emphasizes harmony and conflict avoidance, further reinforces the habit of saying yes when one means no.

“

Por eso decir no duele –afirma Stephen Porges, neurocientífico especializado en regulación emocional, profesor en la Universidad de Indiana y uno de los especialistas a cargo de la investigación–. Esa reacción explica por qué, incluso en situaciones simples, surge una incomodidad difícil de atravesar

This pattern can become more complex in adulthood, impacting all relationships. A study from the University of Iowa indicated that individuals who systematically accept more tasks than they can handle experience higher levels of exhaustion and lower productivity. This chronic overcommitment can erode self-esteem and limit self-care.

When saying yes becomes a default response, it creates a silent tension beneath an appearance of harmony. Psychologist Silvia Álava Sordo warns that this pattern, when chronic, leads to a disconnect between one's desires and actions, internalizing conflict. The boundary then shifts from a communication tool to a fundamental aspect of personal well-being.

“

Decir ‘sí’, cuando queremos decir ‘no’ –indica Silvia Álava Sordo, psicóloga–, suele estar vinculado a evitar conflicto, rechazo o culpa. Muchas personas, con tal de eludir esas emociones desagradables, prefieren aceptar