The quiet home front: Inside the emotional battlefield of Israel’s reserve duty families

Neora, 32, describes the daily struggle of coping with her husband E.'s extended service in Israel's active reserve duty, a situation that has persisted for two and a half years.

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You wake up in the morning. You try to pass the day, and you wake up another day, and you try to make that day finish and last and be a bit better.

Their relationship began five years ago during studies at Ben-Gurion University of the Negev. Neora pursued history and literature, while E. studied math and computer science. Their connection deepened quickly, but tragedy struck just two weeks into their dating when Neora's only sibling died in active military service. She returned home for three months, maintaining sporadic contact with E., who remained understanding despite her emotional unavailability.

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It is really lonely. And you get angry, and you get frustrated.

"I did everything automatically," Neora recalled. "Studying was suddenly very easy, because I didn’t have any anxiety. It disabled a lot of nerves that I had about everything else." Upon her return to Beersheba, E. reached out, and they resumed dating. Neora noted E.'s exceptional patience and maturity, which allowed their relationship to progress slowly and without pressure, a crucial element given their previous lack of serious relationships.

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I did everything automatically. Studying was suddenly very easy, because I didn’t have any anxiety. It disabled a lot of nerves that I had about everything else.

Their lives were irrevocably altered on October 7, 2023. The couple was at home preparing for Shabbat dinner when alarms sounded. "I kept hearing something that sounded like a whistle from the window," Neora recounted. E. initially dismissed it as wind, but soon neighbors gathered in the hallway as the reality of the attacks became apparent. The article underscores the profound emotional and psychological strain placed on families supporting soldiers engaged in active duty, particularly in the context of ongoing conflict.

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I think my spectrum of emotion was very limited. But at the same time, he was so understanding and so patient. I think if he weren’t that patient, I wouldn’t have been able to go through with it. He didn’t push anything. Everything was at my pace. Interaction was very slow. There was no pressure whatsoever.