The Relationship Always Raises the Same Question

Hanna Lublin Niklasson's long-distance marriage, which sees her and her wife apart about 75% of the time, always prompts the same question from acquaintances: "How do you stand it?" This common query, she notes, reflects a broader human tendency to adapt to circumstances, whether they involve personal relationships or larger societal issues like war or rising energy prices.

Niklasson, who admits to a tendency to be an early adopter of trends, found a particular resonance in the song "Bless the telephone" by Labi Siffre. The song's theme of a long-distance relationship, conducted largely over the phone, mirrored her own experience. She and her wife, often separated by at least four hours due to work and education, found solace and connection in the lyrics, which speak to the simple act of hearing a loved one's voice.

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It’s nice to hear you say hello and how are things with you, I love you.

Research suggests that long-distance relationships have a similar chance of success as any other, with communication and trust being key factors. Niklasson likens navigating the challenges of distance to overcoming obstacles in any relationship. The couple has developed routines, such as watching television shows simultaneously over the phone, creating a "shared loneliness" that bridges the physical gap.

However, the author points out that the primary difficulty isn't the distance itself, but the social disconnect from friends. While her single friends might be out socializing, she's on the phone, and friends in relationships might go to restaurants while she prepares meals for herself. This creates a sense of isolation, a "hollow" everyday life where shared experiences are replaced by a "shared loneliness."

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In stort sett alla som får höra om min något okonventionella relationsform, distans­äktenskap, undrar hur vi står ut.