The World Cup – soccer in general – seems to have escaped its once-stubborn naffness

The modern World Cup, and soccer as a whole, appears to have outgrown its once-pervasive "naffness," trading comforting, albeit slightly embarrassing, quirks for a sleek, hyper-efficient presentation. This shift, ongoing for years, has replaced the era of pundits in green knit ties and players smoking in nightclubs with a polished, almost sterile, professionalism.

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Maple, Zayu and Clutch are full of joy, energy and the spirit of togetherness, just like the Fifa World Cup™ itself.

Nowhere is this change more evident than in the mascots. The current tournament features three representatives from indigenous North American species: Maple the Moose for Canada, Zayu the Jaguar for Mexico, and Clutch the Bald Eagle for the United States. Fifa President Gianni Infantino described them as "full of joy, energy and the spirit of togetherness," central to the tournament's "incredible, entertaining atmosphere."

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I don’t know, Gianni. I haven’t seen three more blandly uninteresting cartoon characters since that Benelux-financed kids’ film about Noah’s Ark that I might just have made up.

However, the author finds these mascots disappointingly bland, comparing them unfavorably to characters from obscure children's films. The article recounts an unusual incident where police in Lima disguised themselves as these mascots to infiltrate a suspected drug den, prompting a humorous query about why such bland characters would be effective in soothing the suspicions of criminals.

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We were able to establish that the person we were about to arrest was a diehard football fan. So we proceeded to disguise my Green Squad personnel as World Cup mascots in order to approach him without arousing suspicion.

This modern approach contrasts sharply with the past, exemplified by World Cup Willie, the lion mascot from the 1966 tournament in England. Willie was a cultural phenomenon, appearing on merchandise and even inspiring a song by Lonnie Donegan. The article suggests that the "era of unique and lovably quirky World Cup mascots went up in smoke long ago," leaving behind a more sanitized, less characterful sporting landscape.

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The era of unique and lovably quirky World Cup mascots went up in smoke long ago, just like one of Willie’s World Cup cigars.