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Where Education Ends and Fear Control Begins: Toxic Behaviors Parents Consider Normal
๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡ด Romania /Culture & Society

Where Education Ends and Fear Control Begins: Toxic Behaviors Parents Consider Normal

From Adevฤƒrul · () Romanian

Translated from Romanian, summarized and contextualized by DistantNews.

At a glance

In-depth Named sources Context piece
  • A study highlights that some parents use coercive control tactics like humiliation, threats, isolation, and emotional manipulation, often disguised as discipline.
  • Psychological abuse can create a climate of fear in children who may not recognize it as such, with the long-term effects shaping their lives.
  • Experts differentiate healthy discipline, which fosters self-control and preserves dignity, from coercive control, which achieves obedience through fear.

A child's quiet obedience may stem from fear rather than gentle education, according to research cited by The Conversation. A study based on interviews with 53 adolescents in Australia revealed that many children live in a constant state of fear due to coercive control tactics employed by parents. These practices, including humiliation, threats, isolation, and emotional manipulation, are frequently presented as normal discipline.

When a child seems well-behaved, the question is not how well they obey, but how much of themselves they had to silence to remain loved.

โ€” Gabriela MarcPsychologist Gabriela Marc explains the difference between healthy discipline and coercive control.

Psychologist Gabriela Marc explains that the distinction between discipline and coercive control lies not in the strictness of rules, but in the child's emotional experience. "When a child seems well-behaved, the question is not how well they obey, but how much of themselves they had to silence to remain loved," she told "Adevฤƒrul." Psychological violence often enters homes under the guise of responsible phrases like "I'm doing this for your own good" or "You'll thank me when you're older." This makes it difficult to recognize, as it can appear as care or authority rather than abuse.

I'm doing this for your own good, You'll thank me when you're older, If you don't get scared a little, you won't learn.

โ€” Unspecified parentsPhrases used by parents to justify coercive control tactics.

Marc emphasizes that while both healthy discipline and coercive control can result in a quiet, obedient child, the methods differ significantly. Authentic discipline helps children develop self-control, discernment, and responsibility, setting boundaries without damaging the relationship and correcting without humiliating. "It conveys the message: 'Your behavior needs guidance, but your dignity remains intact.'"

Your behavior needs guidance, but your dignity remains intact.

โ€” Gabriela MarcMarc describes the message conveyed by healthy discipline.

In contrast, coercive control aims solely for obedience through fear. It does not teach children the reasons behind rules but compels conformity to avoid humiliation, anger, withdrawal of affection, or punishment. A child who trembles before a parent learns to detect danger rather than responsibility, a difference that can profoundly shape their entire life, Marc concludes.

He learns to detect danger before being seen. And between these two types of learning, there is a difference that can shape an entire life.

โ€” Gabriela MarcMarc contrasts the life-shaping outcomes of learning through fear versus learning responsibility.
DistantNews Editorial

Originally published by Adevฤƒrul in Romanian. Translated, summarized, and contextualized by our editorial team with added local perspective. Read our editorial standards.

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