Croatian writer Vedrana Rudan expresses desire to die amid cancer battle

Croatian writer Vedrana Rudan has once again captured public attention with a starkly honest column detailing her ongoing struggle with cancer. In her latest piece, titled "A Girl in the Embrace of Metastases," Rudan confronts the fears and consequences of her illness and treatment without any pretense.

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If there is one thing people fear, it is cancer. Not so much the disease as the treatment.

Rudán candidly addresses the profound fear associated with a cancer diagnosis, noting that the treatment often inspires more dread than the disease itself. She revealed the disorienting experience of hallucinations during treatment, where she felt she was speaking eloquently while uttering nonsensical things. Rudan lamented that such side effects are often downplayed by medical professionals, who offer platitudes like "we've seen worse outbursts than yours," which she finds unhelpful.

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I have no idea that cancer causes hallucinations and that you talk about unseen bullshit while thinking you are Cicero.

The writer also expressed frustration with the well-meaning but misguided interventions from her relatives, who she says flood her home with alternative healers and dubious remedies. She described these individuals, many of whom are educated professionals, as skilled salespeople exploiting her desperate situation. "You know there's no salvation, but you have to be good, shut up, not s***, and ask nothing," she wrote.

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You know there's no salvation, but you have to be good, shut up, not s***, and ask nothing.

Rudán's exhaustion with her condition is palpable. "I'm fed up with cancer, life, and lies," she declared, rejecting the common platitudes about life's beauty. "I don't want to walk on flowers, I want to be under them." She concluded by mentioning that doctors sometimes call her with gossip about hospital staff, a distraction she wishes to avoid. "I want to die, not drink aloe vera and listen to who is f***ing whom," she stated, summarizing her profound weariness.

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I'm fed up with cancer, life, and lies. I don't want to walk on flowers, I want to be under them.