Finding the “Just Right” Amount of Solitude

Solitude can become a problem not only when there is too much of it, but also when there is too little. That is the idea behind psychologist Robert J. Coplan’s concept of “aloneliness,” introduced in his book The User’s Guide to Solitude.

If loneliness describes distress caused by having too much time alone, aloneliness refers to the negative feelings that arise when solitary time is insufficient. The article says research has linked the experience to increased stress, irritation and sadness, and in severe cases to depressive symptoms. Coplan first introduced the concept at a developmental psychology symposium in March 2019, and it drew more attention during the COVID-19 pandemic.

There is no fixed amount of solitude that suits everyone. One person may feel that three hours alone each day is enough, while another may need more. Yet wanting time alone and being able to enjoy it are different things. The article cites a study in which some university students preferred receiving an electric shock to sitting alone doing nothing for 15 minutes.

Coplan advises people to follow their own approach to solitude and find the amount that feels “just right.” He recommends keeping a solitude journal for one week, recording what they do during time alone and how they feel that day. Reviewing the entries may reveal personal patterns and help people understand the kind of solitude they need.

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When it comes to solitude, follow your own way