How to help children accept that vacation is over, psychologist advises: “Validate the emotion, but do not negotiate the limit”

For some children, leaving the seaside or a holiday destination feels almost like a loss. They may cry, get angry, refuse to leave or try to persuade their parents to stay. After days of freedom, play and extra time together, returning to the usual routine can be difficult.

Adlerian psychotherapist Gabriela Răileanu told Weekend Adevărul that children usually do not cry because they are spoiled. They are struggling to separate from something that makes them feel good. Vacation brings fewer rules, more play, more time with parents and many pleasant experiences. Children often experience those emotions more intensely than adults, while younger children have less ability to anticipate that a positive experience can end and that other enjoyable moments will follow.

Răileanu says parents should not try to eliminate the child’s sadness. Instead, they should help children learn that unpleasant emotions can be felt and overcome. Last-minute promises of ice cream, toys or another hour on the beach often fail when emotions are intense. A child in the middle of a crisis cannot negotiate calmly, she says, and may learn that protesting can change the parent’s decision.

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Validate the emotion, but do not negotiate the limit

Her advice is to validate the feeling without negotiating the reality. Parents might say, “I know you’re sad that we’re leaving. I also really liked it here.” They can recognize the emotion while keeping the boundary in place.

Preparation also helps. Răileanu recommends beginning one or two days before the end of the vacation, because children cope better with changes when they are predictable. Parents can explain in advance how many nights remain and prepare the child for the return home and the daily schedule.

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I know you’re sad that we’re leaving. I also really liked it here