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I Discovered 'Fighting' Was My Love Language – Here's Why It Works For Me
🇦🇷 Argentina /Culture & Society

I Discovered 'Fighting' Was My Love Language – Here's Why It Works For Me

From Clarín · () Spanish

Translated from Spanish, summarized and contextualized by DistantNews.

At a glance

In-depth Sources not specified Context piece
  • A woman discovered that arguments in her relationships were a sign of emotional safety and intimacy, not a crisis.
  • She realized that healthy conflict, where partners express feelings without attacking each other, strengthens bonds.
  • This perspective shift helped her understand that indifference is more damaging to a relationship than conflict.

For a long time, she believed that arguments signaled a failing relationship. Each disagreement made her think the partnership was in crisis or on the verge of collapse. However, over the years, a surprising pattern emerged: the people she argued with most were precisely those with whom she felt most emotionally secure.

"I discovered that 'fighting' was my love language. Curiously, this is why it works for me," she explains. It's not that she enjoys conflict, but rather that she understood that arguments, when healthy, represent a way to build intimacy rather than destroy it. Conflict ceased to be a threat.

I discovered that 'fighting' was my love language. Curiously, this is why it works for me.

— the authorExplaining her realization about the nature of arguments in her relationships.

For years, she tried to avoid any disagreement, believing a happy couple rarely argued. Eventually, she understood that the real problem wasn't the fighting itself, but the manner in which it occurred. Differences, she maintains, are inevitable. The key is that both individuals can express their feelings without turning the conversation into a personal attack.

For me, arguing means we are still trying to understand each other.

— the authorDescribing her perspective on discussions with her family.

"For me, arguing means we are still trying to understand each other," she says about discussing issues with her family. Looking back at past relationships, she identified behaviors she once interpreted negatively: needing to address problems immediately, preferring an uncomfortable conversation over accumulating resentment, feeling closer after a dispute if both listened, and worrying more about indifference than conflict because silence seemed harder to repair.

This approach to arguments ultimately helped her better understand her own emotional needs. "What I was really looking for was to feel that the other person was still there," she admits. She explains that a discussion, when both partners remain present and willing to resolve the issue, can reinforce trust. Conversely, distance, indifference, or a lack of dialogue generated more insecurity than any disagreement.

What I was really looking for was to feel that the other person was still there.

— the authorRevealing the deeper need behind her arguments.

She now asserts that couples should not measure a relationship's quality solely by the number of conflicts. What truly matters, she states, is how they navigate difficult moments and whether both can express themselves without fear of losing the bond. "Not all arguments destroy a relationship," she reflects, adding, "Some strengthen it because they show that both are still committed to understanding each other." This realization fundamentally changed her view of love, revealing that conflict can fortify a relationship.

Not all arguments destroy a relationship. Some strengthen it because they show that both are still committed to understanding each other.

— the authorConcluding her thoughts on the positive potential of conflict in relationships.
DistantNews Editorial

Originally published by Clarín in Spanish. Translated, summarized, and contextualized by our editorial team with added local perspective. Read our editorial standards.

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