‘I’m married but have fallen in love with a woman at work’

A married individual has confessed to developing strong feelings for a female coworker, creating a complex emotional dilemma. The writer states that while there has been no physical relationship, the connection is deep, with both parties sharing mutual feelings and a strong sense of understanding. This situation arises from an unhappy marriage where the writer feels unappreciated, particularly after a career change met with a lack of spousal support. The writer is seeking guidance on whether to pursue marital counseling or follow their heart toward this new emotional and intellectual connection.

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What strikes me most about your letter is not the fact that you have feelings for someone outside of your marriage. That happens, more commonly than we like to admit.

"What strikes me most about your letter is not the fact that you have feelings for someone outside of your marriage. That happens, more commonly than we like to admit," the advice column states. The response suggests that such affairs often stem from a desire to reconnect with a lost sense of self – a version that feels more alive, desired, freer, and hopeful, especially amid the routines of adult life.

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But what does strike me is the story you are telling yourself about what is happening.

However, the advice column urges caution regarding the statement that the coworker is "everything I need emotionally." It highlights that the coworker is also married and therefore not fully available, making any potential relationship built on this premise a projection of fantasy onto an unavailable person. The column emphasizes that while human beings are complex and change over time, leading to evolving needs and desires, it is crucial to question the narrative of an affair fulfilling all emotional requirements, especially when the object of affection is not truly accessible.

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Because this woman who is everything you apparently need is married. She is not available to you.