In front of the mirror, reflecting you even without you

Love, often perceived as a simple emotion, can be a complex interplay of sadism and masochism, a cycle of revealing one's inner demons and incurring or inflicting wounds. This dynamic is explored through artistic lenses, including painter Gu Bon-ung's "Portrait of a Friend" and the self-portrait of writer Yi Sang, both hinting at a profound self-absorption and a search for validation within relationships.

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I thought that love was a repetition of sadism and masochism.

The film "Phantom Thread" serves as a cinematic example of this intricate dynamic. The protagonist, Reynolds Woodcock, is haunted by his mother's memory and adheres to obsessive routines, projecting his anxieties onto his relationships with women. His partner, Alma, navigates this by embracing a role that allows Reynolds to become dependent, even resorting to poisoning him to ensure his need for her, thereby "repeating" their connection in a twisted form of devotion.

This theme of "repetition" in love is further illustrated through personal anecdotes. The author recounts a past relationship where a close friend, L, became so intertwined with the author's identity that distinctions blurred. L's subsequent changes in style and behavior, while seemingly an attempt to bridge the gap, ultimately led to a sense of distance, highlighting how even intense connections can evolve and create new forms of separation.

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I told him, 'I can't distinguish between you and me, but I can distinguish between you and you.'

Another friend, J, exhibited a striking mirroring of the author's habits and appearance, leading others to mistake them for sisters. These instances underscore a central idea: in love, individuals may see themselves reflected in their partners, to the point of identification. However, this mirroring can also lead to the loss of individual identity, leaving one to question who "I" truly am when so much of the self is projected onto another. The article suggests that this constant, albeit evolving, repetition is the essence of love, a perpetual cycle of self-discovery and loss within the relationship.

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I still repeat, don't I? With a face that is slightly renewed each time.