DistantNews
Support us
Is it true love or 'love bombing'? When intense affection turns into emotional control
🇸🇬 Singapore /Conflict & Security

Is it true love or 'love bombing'? When intense affection turns into emotional control

From CNA · () English

Summarized and contextualized by DistantNews.

At a glance

In-depth Named sources Context piece
  • "Love bombing" is a behavior pattern where intense affection is used to gain control in a relationship.
  • It often starts with excessive compliments and attention, playing on a person's vulnerabilities.
  • While sometimes mistaken for strong early courtship, clinicians warn it can be a red flag for emotional manipulation and abuse.

The intense affection showered on a new partner, often described as "love bombing," can be a deceptive tactic used to establish emotional control. This behavior, characterized by excessive compliments and lavish attention, aims to quickly capture someone's heart before transitioning into manipulation.

Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist and professor emerita, defines love bombing as "idealization and seduction that becomes the prelude to what will be emotional manipulation and control." Initially, the love bomber may shower their target with praise, suggesting they are uniquely understood and appreciated. For instance, they might say, "You are really incredible, and no one has seen how incredible you are, but I am seeing it," as noted by psychologist Chitra Raghavan.

idealisation and seduction that becomes the prelude to what will be emotional manipulation and control

— Ramani DurvasulaA clinical psychologist defines love bombing as a precursor to manipulation and control.

These compliments often exploit a person's deepest insecurities. If someone worries about their appearance, a love bomber might emphasize their beauty. If they doubt their intelligence, the love bomber might flatter their intellect. This intense focus is coupled with incessant contact, including frequent texts, calls, and even unannounced visits, creating a sense of constant connection and dependence.

You are really incredible, and no one has seen how incredible you are, but I am seeing it. It suggests a uniqueness that has not been seen by anybody else but the love bomber.

— Chitra RaghavanA psychologist explains how love bombers use compliments to create a sense of unique connection and exploit vulnerabilities.

The term "love bombing" originated in the 1970s, associated with the Unification Church's recruitment tactics. Today, while casually dismissed by some as simply "coming on too strong," clinicians view it as a serious red flag. Raghavan observes that a period of love bombing often precedes domestic violence cases, indicating a potential link to abusive dynamics.

While direct statistics linking love bombing to abuse are scarce, its presence in intimate partner abuse cases is frequently noted by experts. The pattern involves showering the target with affection and validation, making them feel uniquely special, only to later isolate them and exert control over their actions and relationships.

I’ve noticed it in almost every domestic violence case I’ve had, that there was a period of love bombing.

— Chitra RaghavanA psychologist highlights the frequent presence of love bombing in domestic violence cases.
DistantNews Editorial

Originally published by CNA. Summarized and contextualized by our editorial team with added local perspective. Read our editorial standards.

More Stories

From Our Blog