It’s not easy, surrogate mother shares emotional journey

A Nigerian woman has spoken candidly about the profound emotional and financial challenges of being a surrogate mother, detailing her journey on Cruise TV. She revealed that financial hardship, coupled with her partner's lack of responsibility, pushed her to make the difficult decision after the loss of her second child.

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Emotionally it’s not easy. Even when I started the journey, when the pregnancy was three months, I called my nurse that I don’t think I can cope again because it’s not easy to carry what is not yours.

Carrying children for other families proved emotionally taxing, she explained, particularly the struggle to manage developing attachments. "Emotionally it’s not easy," she stated, recounting moments of doubt early in her pregnancies. She emphasized the need to constantly remind herself it was a job, though emotions often surfaced.

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When you start having the emotional attachment, you keep reminding yourself that this is not mine. I tell myself it is a job, and that helps me cope, but the emotions still come and go.

She became a gestational surrogate through IVF, meaning she had no biological link to the infants. Her decision was heavily influenced by her partner's failure to provide for their family, forcing her to work until complications arose during her second pregnancy, which tragically resulted in the baby's death. This loss prompted her to seek financial support from those who could afford to care for her during future pregnancies.

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I had my first child. Unfortunately, my husband is not the person that is hardworking and he doesn’t take responsibility. I do work. There is no work I cannot do.

Initially, she declined compensation beyond medical care, accommodation, and allowances, a decision she now regrets. "I won’t do it again," she declared, adding that she would not advise her own daughter to pursue surrogacy due to the inherent emotional and health risks. The experience also involved relocating during pregnancies to avoid stigma and dealing with psychological challenges post-delivery, despite pre- and post-birth counseling.

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That baby died, and that was the reason I made that decision. Instead of giving him another baby, I would rather help people who have the money to take care of me.