Listening: Do You Hear Me at All? How to Stop Talking Past Each Other

The phrase “Sorry, what did you just say?” can be the start of the next argument. In a bonus episode of the podcast “Ist das normal?”, Melanie Büttner and Sven Stockrahm examine how couples can avoid talking past each other.

The problem, the episode says, often grows with familiarity. The longer people are together, the easier it becomes to get distracted. This also happens in friendships. Concern for the other person may remain, but familiar patterns can create the impression that their worries are already understood.

That assumption can pull attention away from the conversation. Thoughts wander, and one person may respond to what they expect to hear rather than what the other has actually said. The podcast focuses on what it takes to feel heard, how conversations can regain intimacy, and how follow-up questions can become genuine rather than automatic.

Büttner, a physician and sexual and psychotherapist, discusses the subject with Stockrahm, head of the science section at Die Zeit. The full bonus episode is available on the page. Listeners can also send the hosts questions about love, sex, and relationships for future discussions.