Loneliness Should Not Be Left for the Lonely to Solve

Loneliness can feel particularly acute during the summer months. As parks, beaches, and terraces fill with families, couples, and groups of friends, those who are alone may feel their isolation even more acutely, observing the vibrant social lives of others from the outside.

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The advice is important. At the same time, one must ask if the responsibility for alleviating loneliness falls too easily on the person who has the least energy to act.

While advice to engage in small interactions, like chatting with a neighbor or a cashier, is often given and can indeed provide some relief, the article questions whether the responsibility for alleviating loneliness falls too heavily on the individuals least equipped to act. For those experiencing profound loneliness, even the simple act of opening their door can be a monumental effort. Shame, past disappointments, and a feeling of not being worthy of company can deplete the energy needed to initiate contact.

At the Kirkon keskusteluapu (Church's discussion support), people who haven't spoken to anyone for days are encountered. Many do not seek advice or action plans first; they need a person who will listen without rushing away and who is not intimidated by silence. One participant described listening as akin to blowing on a painful wound – it doesn't heal the wound or solve everything, but it can temporarily ease the pain. Sometimes, a single unhurried conversation can help someone endure until the next day.

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For the most lonely person, even opening the door can be difficult. Shame, disappointments, and the experience of not being accepted by others can take away the energy to take initiative.

Therefore, when discussing loneliness, the focus should also turn to those who have people around them. The article prompts readers to consider whose news they haven't asked about recently, who has opted out of social events, and who is assumed to be coping simply because they don't ask for help. Reaching out requires no special skills; a message, a call, or an invitation for coffee can suffice. Asking "How are you?" and being prepared to truly listen to the answer is key. Lonely individuals should not have to demonstrate their distress before being noticed.

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It felt like someone was blowing on a painful wound.

Summer often sees a reduction in services and meeting places, precisely when some individuals might need them most. The article stresses the importance of maintaining opportunities for listening, connection, and support even during holiday seasons. Loneliness is not solely an individual feeling or problem to be solved alone; it reflects a community's ability to make space for those without an established social circle. While we may not always be able to heal a deep wound, we can pause beside it and offer gentle comfort.

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Loneliness is not just an individual feeling or a problem belonging to them to solve. It also tells about whether we, as communities, know how to make space for a person who does not have a ready-made group around them.