Manuel Rubey: 'Fatherhood is Constantly Changing'

Actor Manuel Rubey looks back on a childhood that defied traditional gender roles in Austria, where his father was a househusband and his mother a physician. He recalls a happy and carefree upbringing, never questioning this arrangement until occasional public reactions, like curious glances during outings, signaled their family's difference. Rubey expresses pride in his mother for being the first in her family to attend university and for single-handedly supporting them.

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We had a beautiful, carefree childhood. My father was a househusband, my mother a physician. I didn't know any different and therefore never questioned this division of roles.

Rubey observes that while more men are participating in childcare, attending playgrounds, or taking parental leave, societal reactions remain mixed. Some offer praise, while others, even mothers, express doubt about their capabilities. He recounts experiencing patronizing comments, even in a major city like Vienna, highlighting a persistent need for greater acceptance of involved fatherhood.

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Even in a so-called global city like Vienna, I have experienced people patting me on the shoulder approvingly.

He and his wife, architect and designer Stefanie Nolz, are parents to two daughters. Rubey admits that while he believed they shared household responsibilities well, his wife largely managed the "invisible" tasks – the "mental load" – such as organizing appointments, preparing school lunches, and managing children's activities, even after the concept was explained to him.

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I always thought we had divided most things quite well until Mari Lang explained the term 'Mental Load' to me a few years ago. Then I had to admit: Although I am very active in the household, all the 'invisible' things, from ski lessons to doctor's visits to music lessons, were still largely taken over by my wife.

When asked about his priorities as a father, Rubey emphasizes fostering an environment where his daughters feel they can always approach him with any issue. He strives to instill values of respect, self-esteem, and the courage to treat everyone equally. He also aims to teach them resilience, acknowledging it's a quality he himself is still developing.

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To convey to my daughters that they can always come to me with anything they want. It is important to me to instill in them the values of respect and self-esteem, and the courage to treat all people on an equal footing and – also because I can't do it that well myself yet – resilience.