Modern Love: This Is Not the Marriage I Promised

When the author and her husband read their wedding vows nearly four years ago, he promised, "I promise to make you coffee every morning for the rest of our lives." He has kept that promise. When they travel, he finds a café. At home, he makes the coffee himself and leaves it on her desk without saying a word.

He did it even the morning after her mother died by suicide. The couple had met at an awkward cocktail party for new Wharton students. He introduced himself as Matt, adding that his friends called him Gordo. She was drawn to his humor, kindness and drive, while he liked her confidence and rebellious spirit.

They fell in love quickly, attended business school together and moved to San Francisco. Fridays meant too much bourbon, Saturdays meant sleeping late, and Sundays meant fried-egg sandwiches. Their life revolved around the two of them until they adopted Bruce, a rebellious, energetic dog, and later had their son, Wes. Gordo took to fatherhood easily and never stopped bringing her coffee.

“

I promise to make you coffee every morning for the rest of our lives.

The difficult years arrived faster than they expected. Before Wes turned seven months old, the author's mother died by suicide in her garage. She had been a highly successful real-estate agent in the San Francisco Bay Area and the author's closest companion. They spoke every day and had even organized a joint birthday party when the daughter turned 25 and the mother turned 50.

The mother had begun struggling around the time Wes was born. The author tried to care for her while managing a growing family and a career. Her apparent recovery shortly before her death brought relief to those who loved her, but the author now understands that such a recovery can occur shortly before a suicide. After the loss, she collapsed on the bathroom floor, crying so loudly that she could not hear the shower. Gordo ran in and held her silently. He seemed to understand the choreography of her grief before she did.

“

I'm Matt, but my friends call me Gordo.