Mother-in-law's gift choice sparks debate among daughters-in-law

A Lithuanian woman has voiced her distress over a perceived slight from her mother-in-law, who gifted her a restaurant coupon while giving expensive perfume to her other daughters-in-law.

“

My husband has three other brothers, so there are four of us daughters-in-law. We are a big family, so sometimes it's not easy to maintain equal relations with the husband's mother. However, I have always tried to maintain respectful relations and not cause unnecessary conflicts. But the last incident deeply shocked me.

The woman, married into a large family with three brothers-in-law and thus four daughters-in-law, explained that while she strives to maintain respectful relations, this year's birthday gift left her deeply unsettled. She noted that a family tradition involves the mother-in-law gifting presents to the daughters-in-law on their birthdays, with the daughters-in-law reciprocating.

“

We have a tradition that the mother-in-law gives us daughters-in-law something for our birthdays. Of course, we also congratulate her and try to please her.

"I was shocked when I unwrapped the gift. The other brothers' wives received expensive perfume, but I got a coupon for a dinner at a restaurant with my husband," she shared, questioning the fairness of the gesture and whether it signaled a desire to create discord. She expressed a wish for all daughters-in-law to be treated equally.

“

My birthday was the third in a row. When I unwrapped the gift, I was shocked. The other brothers' wives received expensive perfume, but I received a coupon for a dinner at a restaurant with my husband. I understand that the most important thing is attention, but I don't know how to react to this. What do you think of such behavior from a mother-in-law when daughters-in-law receive different gifts?

Psychotherapist Andrius Kaluginas offered a different perspective, suggesting the gift could be interpreted positively. He posited that the restaurant coupon might be more valuable than perfume, especially if it encourages the couple to spend quality time together. "Perhaps she sees that the couple is very busy, spends little time together, and is constantly preoccupied with daily life or children. In that case, the gift is not about the food. It's about the opportunity to be together as a couple and strengthen your bond," he explained. However, Kaluginas conceded that if the perfume was significantly more expensive than the coupon, it would be natural to raise questions.

“

It seems to me like a certain kind of instigation, but I would like to understand if this situation can be clarified without conflict. Maybe my husband and I disappointed her in some way, maybe we didn't help enough? I would like us all to be valued equally, but I don't know if that's possible.