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The need to be needed
🇹🇹 Trinidad and Tobago /Culture & Society

The need to be needed

From Trinidad Express · () English

Summarized and contextualized by DistantNews.

At a glance

In-depth Sources not specified Context piece
  • Human beings have a fundamental psychological need to belong, feel valued, and be connected to others, as suggested by Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs and Self-Determination Theory.
  • For some, this need can lead to a pattern where usefulness becomes their identity, often stemming from childhood experiences where approval was conditional on performance.
  • This can result in chronic overcommitment, difficulty saying no, and eroded personal boundaries, potentially leading to stress and burnout.

The fundamental human need to belong and feel valued by others is a powerful motivator, shaping our actions and identities. Psychologists like Abraham Maslow, with his Hierarchy of Needs, and Edward Deci and Richard Ryan, through Self-Determination Theory, highlight that connection, acceptance, and competence are crucial for psychological well-being.

Among our core psychological needs are belonging, acceptance, and the desire to feel valued by others.

— Abraham Maslow (as described in article)Explaining the foundational psychological needs identified by Maslow.

For many, this drive manifests as a deep-seated need to be useful. This pattern can begin in childhood, where individuals praised for their actions rather than their inherent worth may learn that love and approval are conditional. This lesson can carry into adulthood, leading to a strategy where being helpful becomes synonymous with belonging.

People function best when their needs for connection, competence, and autonomy are met.

— Edward Deci and Richard Ryan (as described in article)Summarizing the core tenets of Self-Determination Theory.

Over time, this can evolve into a situation where individuals struggle to decline requests, find rest unproductive, and feel obligated to be constantly available. Personal boundaries begin to erode, making it difficult to recognize and address one's own needs. This constant state of helpfulness, while seemingly altruistic, can become a way of managing anxiety and a subtle form of control, making abandonment feel less likely.

For some, the strategy becomes, “be useful, and you will belong”.

— Article authorDescribing a common coping strategy developed from childhood experiences.

When dedication is praised for late-night work or being a team player involves taking on excessive workloads, the line between self-sacrifice and self-worth can blur. The cost of such patterns is significant, with research consistently linking chronic overcommitment and poor boundaries to increased stress, burnout, and diminished overall well-being. The World Health Organization recognizes burnout as a serious occupational phenomenon resulting from unmanaged chronic workplace stress, a pattern that extends beyond professional life into personal spheres.

When others depend on you, outcomes feel more predictable. You are less likely to be abandoned, overlooked, or deemed unnecessary.

— Article authorExplaining the anxiety-management aspect of being needed.
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Originally published by Trinidad Express. Summarized and contextualized by our editorial team with added local perspective. Read our editorial standards.

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