Why make-up sex may not be fixing anything

Sex following a conflict might offer an intense, passionate release, but experts caution that it may not be resolving the core issues between partners. According to sexologist Armin Ariana, conflict can trigger cortisol and adrenaline, leading to "emotional discomfort" alongside a slight activation of desire. The physical act can then help calm the nervous system. Relationship coach Megan Luscombe notes that for some, sex acts as a "release valve" for the heightened energy after tension breaks. However, clinical sexologist Tanya Koens points out that some individuals may feel wary of post-fight intimacy, especially if boundaries feel crossed or they haven't felt understood, making the experience less safe or exciting. Koens emphasizes that as long as the sex is not coerced or done solely to maintain peace, it is not inherently wrong. Luscombe suggests rebranding "make-up sex" because it implies resolution when often it's merely a release of intensity. She argues that calling it "make-up sex" allows couples to "get off the hook" from necessary conversations, leaving the original problem unresolved. Ariana recommends enjoying the closeness but returning to the conversation, warning against using sex to avoid addressing underlying issues. Koens advises checking in with partners afterward to understand the meaning behind the intimacy and whether the conflict has truly been addressed, distinguishing it from break-up sex where issues are no longer a concern.

“

But at the same time, it is tapping into a little activation of your desire department.