Wolfgang Schmidbauer: Is it okay for parents to have a favorite child?

Therapist and analyst Wolfgang Schmidbauer challenges the common parental assertion of loving all children equally, suggesting it's an oversimplification that often doesn't hold true in practice.

In the series 'Familienrat' (Family Council), Schmidbauer advocates for a more realistic approach to parenting, emphasizing cooperation rather than the pursuit of unattainable perfection. He posits that the notion of a 'favorite child' stems from an infantile model where love is seen as a limited commodity, distributed unevenly among siblings.

Schmidbauer suggests that parents, despite their best intentions, cannot always treat each child in precisely the same way. This can lead to complex emotional dynamics within families, potentially resulting in a child later accusing their parents of favoritism.

He proposes that acknowledging these differences and focusing on fostering cooperation among family members is more beneficial than striving for an idealized, equal distribution of parental attention. This perspective encourages a more nuanced understanding of family relationships and the inherent complexities of raising children.

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I find it a strong simplification to speak of a favorite child. Actually, an infantile model is behind it: Love is in a bottle, so to speak, and everyone gets some of it. The favorite children then get more than the others – more attention, more affection.