Interfering in others' lives is not a 'right'

In Turkey, a pervasive tendency exists for individuals to overstep boundaries and interfere in deeply personal decisions, particularly concerning family planning. The author observes that people often feel entitled to offer unsolicited advice and judgments on whether a couple should have children, or how many. This unsolicited input frequently disregards the couple's own desires, future plans, and capacity to provide for a family.

Societal and political pressures, such as the recommendation to have "at least three children," are criticized for ignoring the practicalities of raising a family. The article questions whether families can adequately provide the necessary social, psychological, and economic support for multiple children, especially when economic conditions are challenging. Official statistics indicate that the cost of living for a four-person family significantly exceeds the minimum wage, suggesting that economic realities hinder the healthy upbringing of children.

The author recounts personal experiences with intrusive questions, such as inquiries about when a couple will have children after marriage, or when they will have a second child, or specifically a son if the first two are daughters. These questions are described as annoying and boundary-crossing. Even during a surprising pregnancy with twins, the initial reactions were not supportive but focused on the anticipated difficulties.

Furthermore, the article addresses the burden placed on mothers, often encapsulated by the phrase "But you are a mother." This phrase is used to justify expecting mothers to endure sleepless nights, breastfeed despite difficulties, and suppress complaints, framing motherhood as a sacred duty that negates personal needs. The author's wife expresses frustration, stating she is human and needs rest and a break, highlighting that her struggles are normalized rather than met with offers of help. The piece concludes by calling for an end to this culture of comparison and unwarranted commentary on others' lives.