I cut ties with my family... to escape 40 years of abuse

The Hankyoreh introduces "Family Liberation," the debut book by acclaimed publishing editor Eamon Dillon. Known for his work exposing the underbellies of powerful institutions like religion and big corporations, Dillon turns his critical lens towards the pervasive myth of the 'ideal family.' His book confronts the violence often hidden within the seemingly benign concepts of 'familism' and 'family therapy,' arguing that these narratives frequently pressure victims to forgive and reconcile, thereby perpetuating abuse.

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Powerful institutions hide the truth of domestic abuse, and the church has hidden countless bad mothers behind Mary's cloak for centuries.

Dillon's personal experience of enduring 40 years of relentless abuse from his mother forms the harrowing core of the book. He details the physical beatings, constant humiliation, and gaslighting he suffered, alongside his father's passive role. The narrative traces his journey from a child desperately trying to find context for the abuse to an adult who, through therapy, finally recognized the trauma and chose estrangement from his abuser, even refusing to attend her funeral. This act of severing ties is presented not as a failure, but as a necessary act of self-preservation and liberation.

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The greatest perpetrators of physical, sexual, and emotional abuse in human history are family members.

The book draws on insights from psychiatry, psychology, sociology, and history, alongside interviews with survivors, to reveal the systemic reasons why family abuse is so often concealed. Dillon contends that powerful entities, including religious institutions and the state, have historically colloped with the perpetuation of family violence. He critiques the modern 'nuclear family' model, often championed by conservative and religious groups, arguing that it can inadvertently foster an environment where abuse is normalized and hidden. The review notes that in South Korea, with its deeply ingrained Confucian values of 'propriety' and 'filial piety,' Dillon's message about the potential for family to be a site of profound harm carries significant weight.

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Estrangement is the first step toward healing. The first condition for recovery is the victim's safety, because unchanging family relationships only increase the victim's suffering.

"Family Liberation" challenges the reader to reconsider the idealized image of the family and to acknowledge the pain of those who have been harmed within its confines. Dillon's work resonates with a growing body of literature in South Korea that addresses the uncomfortable truths about family relationships. By advocating for estrangement as a valid path to healing and by calling for solidarity among survivors, Dillon offers a powerful counter-narrative to the dominant discourse, suggesting that true freedom and recovery can be found in breaking away from toxic familial bonds and forging new communities.

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Harmful positivity" that claims 'if you just believe, you can get whatever you want' hides the causes of problems like poverty, sexism, and domestic abuse, and lessens the burden on the institutions and people who should be held responsible.