Psychoanalyst Reveals the Real Reason Men Have Affairs: 'It Has Nothing to Do With Sex'

In a society often quick to attribute infidelity to simple lust or opportunity, a psychoanalyst offers a more nuanced perspective on why men engage in extramarital affairs. Juliet Rosenfeld, a UKCP-accredited psychoanalyst, argues that the reasons are far more complex and often rooted in profound internal struggles, with little to do with the act of sex itself.

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It's never just about sex – or, as one of my patients put it, 'because I can.'

Rosenfeld's extensive experience working with couples reveals a pattern where affairs serve as a coping mechanism for deeper issues. She identifies five primary drivers: the pressures of a cost-of-living and mid-life crisis, leading to feelings of stagnation; using an affair as a form of self-medication to escape depression or loneliness stemming from childhood experiences; a fundamental need to feel accepted, often originating from early life experiences; an attempt to avoid emotional pain within an existing relationship; and the denial of aging, where affairs with younger partners offer a temporary sense of vitality.

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In my experience, the economy and existential stress can play a big role in affairs.

This perspective challenges the common assumption that infidelity is solely about physical desire. Instead, it frames affairs as a symptom of underlying psychological distress. Rosenfeld emphasizes that while infidelity is never justifiable, understanding its origins is vital. For couples grappling with the aftermath of an affair, recognizing these deeper motivations can be the first step toward addressing the true source of the problem, rather than just its consequence. This insight is particularly relevant in Croatia, where societal discussions around relationships and mental health are evolving, encouraging a move beyond simplistic judgments towards a more empathetic and analytical approach to complex human behaviors.

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People who feel loved, seen, and cared for – do not have the need for affairs.